Sad state of Indian affairs

When people in the west think of India, they mostly always think of elephants and dirty streets and crowded areas and dark skinned kids running around half naked and beggars and a country of many homeless people and slums and the color orange and curvy women and kids with bright eyes and hollow stomachs.

Indian kids go through a lot. Many are killed by their own parents because of their gender, even before they're born. Many more are abandoned for similar reasons. Many can't make their own choices because they are bound by the choices of their parents. And some are even abandoned for making these choices.

Right this instant, I feel like one of those in the last category. I feel orphaned even though my parents are still alive and well.(knock on wood).

My mom and dad can never agree on the
same thing. When they do it's only against the choices I make. I usually almost always give in when that happens. Just so I dont spoil the moment of seeing them together. The first time I ever stood my ground and they unanimously send me separate emails to tell me they dont want anything to do with me going forward. You read about these things. you watch these things on crappy Hindi movies. You expect this outcome even as you making your decision. But to actually read those words is like a slap across the face. Hard. 

Cheap thrills

I hate movies that have the scary guy/ villain/ghost jumping out from behind the door. Those cheap thrills/ stupid tricks at creating fear type movies. It gives me the creeps and bloody imaginative dreams.

Unfortunately, if I so much as watch 2 scenes of a movie, I must watch the rest of it to know how it ends. I'm 25! I shouldn't  be scared of Jeepers Creepers or the likes!

Must read reviews before I watch the movie.

We were fooled. The grass is dark and gray on the other side.

I believe I may have used the same topic in a different context. Anyhow. Being Indian and being in a relationship is tough. Really really tough. Well, I don't mean just between the two lovers. We still have the same complications couples all over the world have - the compatibility issues, the long distance issues (oh boy! this has to suck the most), the trust issues, the bedroom issues.  But we also have to worry about what the families think. Worry about what our relatives might say. And the latest nonsense - what all the one million random morons on each other's facebook profile might say. It's easier to go to a random friend's wall and proclaim your love than on your lover's page. You can Like a friend's comment as soon as it comes up. You can post little black hearts on your neighbour's random friend's sister's uncle's random somebody's wall. But, you think twice before you post comments on your lover's walls. Or maybe it's just me. Me and my constant need to have drama in my life. My obsession with always searching for a gray cloud to go with my silver lining. I go to bed almost every single night wondering if I did the right thing for the relationship. In the 2 years we've been seeing each other, we hadn't stayed away from each other for more than 3 days. It's been almost 3 months now since I moved overseas. We started with wanting to stay on skype all day long. Talking most of the time. Getting upset if the other wasn't reachable for even an hour. And now, we go 2 sometimes 3 days without video chatting. We have gone 2 days without talking to each for more than a couple of minutes. My work's been a nightmare and I would like to blame it endlessly for this sudden 'distance'. But, I get this feeling that I've just gotten used to this new routine now without even realising it. I don't like it one bit and it upsets me very often but I can't blame anyone but myself for this. And so, because I feel helpless, I get ticked off by the silliest things now. I need my uppu nyaaranga soda. NOW!

I can't wait to see him 19 days from now. I don't think I'll let him board his flight back home. What happened to 'Home is where the heart is'? Shouldn't his home be here, with me? Sigh. Maybe I shouldn't take up this new opportunity that's being offered to me at work. I should just get done with the project at hand and pack my bags out of here. Screw wanting to save up for the future. I just want to be able to go to sleep in his arms without worrying about anything else.

40 odd seconds and a smile

I met a man today on Little Longsdale street as I was walking towards my spanish class. He was walking towards me. Well, jogging really. He was a tiny man, tiny to me. He could've been about 5'6" tall. Not more. Skinny, spectacled and he wore his bag across his body - one of those sling bags that look too small to hold a laptop but too big to hold anything else. He was about 30 steps away from me and for a brief instant, we made eye contact. As he walked closer towards me, he stopped and picked up his bicycle that was chained to a pole. It looked like someone had knocked down the cycle while hurrying down the narrow footpath. He picked it up, steadied it against the pole, and continued his hurried walk past me. As he did, he looked at me again and smiled...

I saw him board the tram towards the city and looked back at the bicycle that was now leaning against the pole instead of the footpath. He didn't have to do what he did. He could have just walked past or stepped over. He could have just let the real owner pick up the bicycle, minutes or even hours later. But he stopped for those 40 odd seconds to do something kind.

Stupid movies. stupid me

I hate watching movies, or TV for that matter. Especially when I'm alone. I always imagine myself in the same situation I see being enacted in front of me. I watch Meg Ryan's husband cheat on her, and suddenly I'm messaging Muthus and all my friends and wondering what they would do if they found out the person they were with was cheating on them. I messaged Shani and he panicked. I messaged kutty and she ignored me. Again. I messaged Muthus and he thinks I'm being unfair. I was. I didn't tell them it was because of the stupid movie I was watching. Stupid Meg Ryan and her pretty hair. But, that doesn't mean I stop watching movies or TV. oh no! I watch more of it! Just to get over this. But, I don't. I have been this way from the time I was 15. I watch a depressing movie. I see them drink and curse each other all the time, I reach for the beer. I watch a movie and there's lots of violence and hurt and pain, and I'm in a foul mood.

Ugh. 

Stupid Stupid

So I got a new phone. My little welcome to new country new city gift to myself. I synced up my phone with my google account. Stupid Android displayed all my picasa albums AND my blog album. I didn't want it in my phone and so I deleted it. Now, my blog is bare and picture less. 

To remind myself to NEVER delete before confirming, I'm going to keep it pictureless for a while

Small details about what's been happening since the ring happened: After a lot of running around and sweating and riding bikes through dust covered roads, I managed to get my passport stamped. I've temporarily moved to Melbourne for work reasons. Great move career wise. Stupidest decision relationship wise.  The city itself is gorgeous with little pockets of history to be found all over the place. I've come at the right time - Summer, so the weather is awesome too. I'm guessing it takes a long time to get used to the people. And since, it's only been 3 weeks here, I won't judge yet. Needless to say, I miss Muthu and I miss home. So much so I find myself eating samosas while I wait for a movie to start. I wouldn't eat samosas even back in India. I hope this is just a phase. 

Out with it

For the past month, I've been meaning to scream this out loud - To announce to the whole world the reason for my happiness and the reason for my disappearance from the virtual world. But everytime I tried translating my thoughts onto the keyboard, I would quickly hit a Ctrl+a and the Del button not being happy with the string of words.

So, I'll just keep it short and simple - I'm engaged! To the most wonderful man who is kind and sweet and absolutely sexy. He asked me to marry him a few hours before I turned 25 on a cold misty night, a day before a new moon was born, in a tree house, some 40ft above coffee shrubs, after indulging me with Champagne and rose wine! (This guy was taking no chances... :D ) Sitting there, on the rickety bed, by a window that overlooked a valley sleeping under a blanket of dark clouds, and a grey almost depressing moon that tricked the mind into hearing a werewolf in the distance, I couldn't think of one single reason to say No. Especially when those shiny diamonds were twinkling on my finger..

Well, I guess I did find the most awesomest way to turn 25.